Exhausted

It’s been about 5 weeks since I slept for more than a couple of hours at a time. I’m exhausted!

I no longer hear dogs barking… instead I wake up in sheer panic, over and over and over again, all night long. I long for the barking dogs to return to my head! They were friendlier than the panic!

I’ve taken night sedation… changed to a different night sedation… taken anti anxiety meds (prescribed for me and some not prescribed for me). Yet still I wake frequently throughout the night, gut wrenching anxiety tearing me from each short sleep.

I’m starting to question if I need ECT… something, anything to reset my brain! The longer this episode of insomnia lasts the louder my internal dialogue will become. Until it reaches fever pitch… until I start to feel like I’m being torn inside out. The screeching inside triggering the aversion to high pitched noises that’s linked to my ASC… but you can’t cover your ears or run away if the screeching is on the inside.

Tonight I’ll try again. I’ve taken the night sedation… the highest dose I’m prescribed. I no longer have any hope of sleeping though.

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